My Dad taught me that Ice Cream is Chocolate, No alternatives.

I got this email from my Dad today and it made me laugh out loud. He's hilarious, if you only listen. Or in this case read. In my original email I sent him I mentioned the ice cream I was eating while typing and said well Dad thanks for teaching me that chocolate ice cream is the best one. And this was his reply :)

And you're welcome for sharing with you my vast knowledge and wisdom on how to enjoy the good life through that frozen aforementioned culinary delight. The knowledge and wisdom that I've gained over a long and hard 51.9 years. Yes I'm talking about that dark creamy, chocolaty frozen concoction of which I derive vast amounts of happiness and pleasure, strength and understanding of life itself. The nectar of the Gods that, the life giving elixir that can solve all know problem and cure all know diseases. Yes, you know that of which I speak. Bow your head as I say the words, "Chocolate Ice Cream".  And know a moment of silence...    

That's long enough, I must now elaborate on the subject. Any brand is good but there are a few, that I might say, can increase the euphoric experience exponentially. (Did you notice the three "e" words. Kind of like Shakespeare when he wrote "headlong hurled the hags").  I'd like to mention a few brands if I may. First, and probably my favorite for a plethora of reasons, is the King Soopers brand (unfortunately the name has eluded me for the moment) which is always on sale. Then there is the Baskin Robbins brand, but make sure to get the "Deep Chocolate Fudge", it's far better than the plain chocolate which is pretty darn good as well (I just noticed that the letters "rn" in the work darn can look like the letter "m"). There's always Hagen Daz but a little harder to spell and you tend to pay a premium price for it. Ben and Jerry have put together some pretty good alternatives if you can't find plain chocolate. Unfortunately, they tend to mix in a lot of extra unnecessary stuff which can distract from the experience. Yet you can often still come away with a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

Then there's the soft-server. Although this is really a subject for another time and place and I really don't have time to go into it now, I will say here that it really chaps my hide when people think that it is acceptable to offer only vanilla. Vanilla! please. Vanilla isn't even a flavor. It's like offering only water at a soda fountain. When I go to a soda fountain I expect to come away with a beverage that satisfies. I want something brown with flavor. Something that is bad for me, something that will dissolve rust instantly or take the paint off your car. I don't want to settle for water. Likewise, I don't want to be forced to settle for vanilla ice cream. Yes water is the major ingredient in soda like vanilla ice cream is a major ingredient in chocolate ice cream and yes I suppose water can quench your thirst like vanilla can fill your stomach. But then what? You're left empty, unsatisfied and wanting for with no hope in sight.  You're outlook on life goes down the toilet, you become depressed, grouchy a pitiful excuse for a human been. And seeing that you're stomach is now full of this vile, unholy and outright  yuchy alternative, (and even if you're not actually full, even if you spewed forth the evil substance before totally consuming it, you still feel like you are full)  you can drink/eat no more, you are left like that retched creature Golum in this awful, hopeless state of unhappiness. Left to wallow in the pit of despair,  for what sometimes seems like an eternity.

Now don't you think it is worth making the correct choice the first time and saving yourself from the nefarious consequences. When you come to a vanilla only establishment, put your hand up and to shield your face, utter the phrase "get the behind me false oppressor", and walk away, far away. Do not allow yourself to surcome to the villainous advertisements of the evil one, who shall not be named. Make up your mind now to make the right choice and when that inevitable time comes the decision will be easy. You won't have to make that decision over and over each time. It's already made and that's it. Teach your children so they too can avoid that most lamentable mistake. Even though the world may think it is an acceptable alternative we know better and hold ourselves to a higher standard.

And that is all I have to say about that.

You're Welcome