Believing is an incredible thing.
You know that saying seeing is believing? Well it never had much impact on me. I believed a lot of things I couldn’t see.
I believed my body was building children the way it should
I believed my body brought those children into the world the way they needed
I believed I nourished my children they have needed to be.
About 12 years ago I came to believe that because every woman I was in direct genetic relation to had a hystorectomy deemed medically necessary before they had naturally reached menopause; that was just something that was going to be in my future.
I also believed I had more time.
About 12 years ago I came to believe that because every woman I was in direct genetic relation to had a hystorectomy deemed medically necessary before they had naturally reached menopause; that was just something that was going to be in my future.
I also believed I had more time.
Then 2 years ago when my current troubles began, I believed something was not right. The trouble I came to was I couldn’t seem to get anyone else to believe me! I have written about that plenty; yet it keeps coming up.
Recently I had my Urodynamics testing/pre op appointment in calgary. I didn’t really know what to expect other than what the folders full of info they’ve bestowed upon me to read. There is not a better word I have found to describe it other than weird.
It was just weird it didnt hurt, was mildly uncomfortable (aka I’d have rather been almost anywhere else) but it was also fascinating.
I had sensors all up my legs and bum, a catheter with 3 of its own sensors inside it and got to sit in this weird chair and be told by strangers how my body was actually functioning.
I have yet to go to these doctor appointments and not have a comment regarding my youth come up.
It was just weird it didnt hurt, was mildly uncomfortable (aka I’d have rather been almost anywhere else) but it was also fascinating.
I had sensors all up my legs and bum, a catheter with 3 of its own sensors inside it and got to sit in this weird chair and be told by strangers how my body was actually functioning.
I have yet to go to these doctor appointments and not have a comment regarding my youth come up.
“Oh but you’re so young!”
“Some of the other younger patients I’ve had havent dealt with this nearly as well as you have; and they were still older than you!”
Thanks for your candor medical professionals :) I DO know that I am young. I DO know that if I want my quality of life to improve this is the route I need for me. I have prayed on the topic countless times. I have received the same promptings more than once. I know there are probably other avenues I could take. But I DO know that this is the one I need.
One of the things the nurse working with me said really got me thinking about the doubts I’d had leading up to this appointment. The doubts that maybe it wasn’t all so bad and I oculd get by a few more years if I really tried harder.
They filled my bladder with sterile saline so that they could measure how much I am able to expel on my own.
Yes I had to pee in that chair in front of these weird machines with tubes and electrodes on me;
Thanks for your candor medical professionals :) I DO know that I am young. I DO know that if I want my quality of life to improve this is the route I need for me. I have prayed on the topic countless times. I have received the same promptings more than once. I know there are probably other avenues I could take. But I DO know that this is the one I need.
One of the things the nurse working with me said really got me thinking about the doubts I’d had leading up to this appointment. The doubts that maybe it wasn’t all so bad and I oculd get by a few more years if I really tried harder.
They filled my bladder with sterile saline so that they could measure how much I am able to expel on my own.
Yes I had to pee in that chair in front of these weird machines with tubes and electrodes on me;
Like I said it was weird.
When the nurse came back in the room to check the results of things, her first thought was the machines had malfunctioned.
Once that was ruled out I was asked to try again.
And Again.
And the last time I was like uh I don’t know how much harder I can try..
She said “I know; I’m sorry. I believe you. Let’s get this taken care of” It was at that point one catheter had to be removed for another one to be placed to empty my bladder. You see this is where I learned just how...severe things have become. Things I’ve ignored or brushed off as to “what happens when you have babies” of 500cc I was only able to expel 220cc on my own. That is leaving me more susceptible to infections than the average woman of 29. That is why I can’t seem to go from sit to stand without leaking. These findings showed for me, and for these physicians taking care of me that my conditions are more than belief. They are facts.
And Again.
And the last time I was like uh I don’t know how much harder I can try..
She said “I know; I’m sorry. I believe you. Let’s get this taken care of” It was at that point one catheter had to be removed for another one to be placed to empty my bladder. You see this is where I learned just how...severe things have become. Things I’ve ignored or brushed off as to “what happens when you have babies” of 500cc I was only able to expel 220cc on my own. That is leaving me more susceptible to infections than the average woman of 29. That is why I can’t seem to go from sit to stand without leaking. These findings showed for me, and for these physicians taking care of me that my conditions are more than belief. They are facts.
Something about finally being believed was liberating. I finally know for certain and have scientific proof that this is NOT in my head; I am not weak. I am not whiney (mostly) This is a real condition, it can have serious repricussions. The best chances I have at regaining my active lifestyle is to go through with this surgery.
This surgery includes a lot of things and will take some time to perform properly. I’ll most likely only be in the hospital for a day and then able to come home to recouparate.
I am so grateful for all those who have reached out to me and offered their help. I know that I will need it.
If I want this surgery to last (let’s face it I DO) I have to let myself recover; however slowly that may mean before returning to my normal safely.
What tests we get in this life. I see the tools to help me and my family get through this, and I know I will need to rely on the kindness of strangers and friends often.
I am so grateful for all those who have reached out to me and offered their help. I know that I will need it.
If I want this surgery to last (let’s face it I DO) I have to let myself recover; however slowly that may mean before returning to my normal safely.
What tests we get in this life. I see the tools to help me and my family get through this, and I know I will need to rely on the kindness of strangers and friends often.
(ten points if you got the song reference there hehe!)
I will not be able to do Massage for a while. I have been limited with it already with our basement flooding a couple weeks ago. My massage table has been compromised and needs to be replaced. But how can I get back to work without a work space?
Yep.
Chair massage it is! Until I can’t.Yep.
And that is part of my reasoning for signing up as a consultant of this new business. I can talk to people, I can message people I can eat new things all while taking it easy. If I play my cards right I just might get a chance to go to Panama next year with a recovered body and a good set of friends.
I believe I am making the right choices for me and my family and frankly that’s enough.
I’ll have it as a fact soon enough