Thats not the only physical battle Ive ben fighting since the birth of my son. He was born at home, and very swiftly, so swiftly that it was compared to bungee jumping into the world. The difference with actual bungee jumping and his birth jumping is that umbilical cords are a lot different than bungees. As you can probably imagine.
You see while he was making his expeditious entrance into the world his "bungee" was still firmly attached to my internal organ. At the time, we didn't think much of it, i had an extra long cord wrapped extra tightly around my little boy. Once he was breathing I did not think of it again, until 5 months later.
September 2015
Oh goody my period returned...one of the many bummers to stopping breastfeeding so early. Anyway I tried to go about things as I normally did prior to having a baby. It just went horribly wrong. I placed a tampon and went about my morning, until I could feel the warmth going down my leg. The one so many women are familiar with, you know the one we don't talk about unless someone asks to hear an embarrassing story and we are VERY good friends already with this person... That dripping.
"It has only been like 20 minutes this cant be happening..." sure enough my under clothes were in ruins, and my leggings did a great job absorbing... upon removing the tampon it was completely untouched by the blood, except for the bottom portion. WTF?! I also had a 3 year old at home, and a 5 month old, so as bothered by all of this as I was I couldn't take much time to think about it and just figured I must be really out of practice at this, put on a pad and new clothing and went about my morning.
By nap/quiet time I had a few minutes to myself and figured I'd try my diva cup, its easier to deal with. I couldn't get it in the right place. I felt so beyond ridiculous! "whats wrong with me?!" was all I could think, then I tried again; only I felt why it wasn't working. Something was in the way.
Now I mentioned before this is a very personal post, but Im not sharing personal photos or anything, I do plan to show some textbook type photos however because my descriptions with words are limited.
what do you do when something is wrong down there? grab that hand mirror...boy was that freaking weird. SO I did the next thing a girl would do, I called my mom. For those that do not know at this time my mother was also not in the best place, she was recovering from a surgery that went awry and was attached to a woundvac that was keeping her stomach organs from falling out as her body tried to heal itself. as it turned out she couldn't talk as she was doing her IV meds for the day. So I googled and planned to call back.
As anyone who has googled symptoms knows, it can be terrifying. pretty much convince yourself of imminent death or cancer in a matter of minutes. Once I at least knew the better words for "I think my uterus is falling out" I called my midwife.
By this point I had been technically released from her care, but lets face it, when you help someone catch a baby in the tight space of a half bathroom, then stitch up their broken lady parts, and help them find a new normal as they try to keep a new human alive, you're pretty much friends for life. She helped me calm down. Eased my fears that this could be helped and gave me a phone number to a clinic with a physiotherapist that deals with pelvic floor issues.
I went about my day. There's something that can be done; this is NOT the end of me!
I called my doctors office for an appointment which I went to. I sat in that room wondering how I could put this story into words...Hey good talks on Sunday at church right..how are you kids? so anyway I think one of my organs is falling out of my body but its probably no big deal, right? I should just get going... is basically how it was about to go down. Besides I had 3 kids in the room with me! Somehow I found the words. (Praise the Lord; whom I know placed them there)
I remember the look of hidden shock. This isn't something that happens to 27 year old women. But here I was a kindergartner, a toddler and infant in tow asking how in the world this happened and what do i do now. I got a referral to a Gynecology office in lethbridge and I would just need to wait until I could see them.
November
December
January
February 2016
I got in! I saw a doctor, who examined me and knew what to look for. Guess what I left with? a prescription for antidepressants and the same phone number from my midwife.
So I'm a little crazy and just need to do more kegels. Some women just deal with it until they get issues with the cervix getting scabs or scrapes from activities at which point they try a device called a pessary. They can push the uterus right back into place between puts on the golf course, I'll be fine.
Not the words she said but that is how I felt. Yes I also suffer from post partum depression, it was a traumatic birthing experience. I have never felt so badace as when I had a frickin baby in my house! But my mom was in a coma, my baby was bruised purple mess for the first few weeks and breastfeeding HAH. I needed the help. I was a textbook case of take these for a little while and then you wont need them anymore, "you just need help getting back to your normal balance"
So I dealt with the depression, I fought and I fought and sometimes I still have to fight it (that's right I'm not out of the woods with it yet but I am so much better than I was). I saw a counselor and I did what I could to improve my state of mind, to better care for my children, myself and all those other lovely folks I love.
54
Fast forward to the next fall.
By this time I was feeling severe pain, I was able to get an MRI and that didn't really help much. I went to see an acupuncturist. I went once a week for 90 minute sessions for 7 weeks straight. And somehow I was able to afford it. In December of 2017 is when I finally saw the physiotherapist. She tried to be optimistic, but she also told me that I shouldn't expect to see any improvement in the first 6 months at least. I wanted her to be wrong. I wanted it so badly. I did my exercises, I did the research she suggested I read several books about the health of the pelvic floor proper sitting, movement and breathing techniques. To no avail.
By the next February things were worse. At this point, even doing everything they told me to, I didn't lift heavy things, I did my exercises I was body aware when I moved the slightest.
That's when I saw my cervix outside my body for the first time without the assistance of a mirror. Yep. I looked down and there it was. The organ of my body that is what makes me most female, the organ that grew and nurtured 3 beautiful healthy babies. That same organ was hanging halfway out my body.
To say i was shocked would be an understatement. I was beyond. I happened to be visiting my family in Colorado; Meeting my new nephews. I waited until I got my kids to bed, then approached my mom. I felt as if I was 13 again starting my period for the first time. Humbled, I in fact did NOT have any answers myself. My mom is wonderful and gave me some ideas and things to say to my physicians to get more help. I needed more help. When I got home I met with my doc. He found a loophole and got me into see a gynecologist in Levern just the next week! When I met with her and explained all I have done, all the specialists I've seeked, the books and articles I've read; she told me what I didn't realize I needed to hear.
"This is not something we generally see in women under 50, or those who haven't entered menopause. I am going to help you find answers."
I needed to feel that someone believed me, that it wasn't all in my head. Because it is NOT in my head, in fact its only half in my pelvis and that is the problem! Upon further examination she made some other suggestions but ended with "I know surgery is the last thing you want to do, and I encourage you to try everything you can, but based on what I see and feel, it's inevitably going to be in your future at some point"
okay.
I can deal with that.
Here is what she found
I have Enterocele. Yep everything involved, this is why Dr. A said surgery will be in my future. I have come to terms with this now. It took a while, I prayed a whole lot, asked for insight and in research have found the confirmation I sought. The pain I am experiencing comes from compression on the nerves by these falling organs. That is the running theory anyway. Thats why sometimes its worse than other times.
There is a lot of waiting in socialized health care.
My info has been sent to the Pelvic Floor clinic in Calgary, and I should expect to hear from them in 9-12 months.
That's what they said when I called anyway.
Meanwhile I still try to stay active and keep up with my ever growing 2 year old boy (he is 35lbs now! And still wants to hold me always). I can not always do this. I teach a kickbox cardio class a few times a month to a great group of ladies that stay active together and our kiddos play. It has been great. There have been a few instances where I have last minute had to cancel; because sometimes I just can't do more than is absolutely necessary. I can't run anymore, I can't really jump anymore. There are many things I miss, but I know that this is not permanent. I now know there are possibilities ahead that I will be able to improve my current state. I will not always hurt, I will not always feel like something is sitting where it shouldn't, I wont always pee if I try to run, jump, play with my kids!
There is just lots of waiting right now.